It’s Not Overthinking — It’s Your Way of Thinking That’s the Problem

Most people who come to therapy tell me, almost apologetically, “I know I overthink everything.”But here’s the truth I wish more people knew:

Overthinking isn’t really the problem.It’s how you think that causes the suffering.

You can think a lot and feel fine.You can also think a little and feel awful.It’s not the quantity — it’s the quality.

The Myth: “I Think Too Much”

When someone says they’re an overthinker, what they usually mean is:

• “My mind won’t stop worrying.”

• “Every scenario I imagine ends badly.”

• “I tear myself apart for the smallest mistakes.”

The brain spirals into loops not because it’s doing too much, but because it’s doing one particular style of thinking:

• Negative predictions

• Catastrophic what-ifs

• Self-blame

• Scanning for danger

• Imagining rejection

• Expecting failure

If your thinking is consistently harsh, fearful, or self-critical, then of course thinking feels painful.

Most people don’t have an overthinking problem.They have an overly negative thinking habit.

So What Exactly Is “The Way You Think”?

Therapists often call this your thinking style or cognitive patterns.And thinking styles usually fall into familiar shapes:

1. Catastrophising — jumping straight to worst-case scenarios.

2. Black-and-White Thinking — seeing things as all good or all bad.

3. Mind-Reading — assuming others think negatively about you.

4. Harsh Self-Talk — the inner critic that says you’re not enough.

5. Emotional Reasoning — mistaking feelings for facts.

This is not thinking too much.This is thinking in a way that creates fear, shame, and pressure.

Why This Matters: You Can’t Solve the Wrong Problem

When people believe they overthink, they try to distract themselves, switch off their mind, suppress thoughts, avoid triggers, or push feelings down.

And inevitably, the thoughts come back even stronger.

That’s because the real issue isn’t the amount of thinking.It’s that the mind is stuck in a distorted, negative, self-attacking pattern.

You don’t need less thinking.You need a different way of thinking.

Where This Comes From: You Learned It Somewhere

No one is born catastrophising or self-criticising.These patterns usually grow from early experiences:

• Being criticised or judged

• Emotional neglect

• Trauma or chaos

• Feeling unsafe as a child

• Predicting danger to cope

• Never feeling “good enough”

In schema therapy terms, many of these thinking styles grow from long-standing core beliefs: abandonment, defectiveness, failure, vulnerability.

They shape how you interpret the world — not how much you think.

The Hopeful Part: Thinking Style Can Be Changed

This is where therapy makes a real, practical difference.

You don’t have to live in the same mental weather forever.Working with a therapist helps you:

• Notice your thinking patterns

• Understand where they come from

• Question whether they’re actually true

• Build more balanced and compassionate thoughts

• Shift from survival thinking to grounded thinking

Therapy doesn’t aim to stop your mind from thinking.It helps your mind think in a way that doesn’t hurt you.

You Don’t Need to Think Less — You Need to Think Differently

You don’t need to shut your mind off or force yourself to stop thinking.You need a different way of thinking, one that isn’t rooted in fear, self-criticism, or catastrophe.

Different thinking sounds like:

• Considering more than one possible outcome

• Speaking to yourself with the tone you’d use for someone you care about

• Seeing nuance instead of all-or-nothing extremes

• Being curious rather than assuming the worst

• Responding to feelings rather than being ruled by them

Thinking differently means your mind becomes a more accurate, calmer, and kinder place — not a battleground.

You’re Not Broken — You’re Stuck in an Old Pattern

If you’ve spent years blaming yourself for “overthinking,” ask yourself:

“What if the issue isn’t the amount of thinking… but the style of thinking I learned long ago?”

If that feels familiar, therapy can help you untangle those old patterns and build a way of thinking that supports you rather than punishes you.

Because the goal isn’t a quieter mind — it’s a freer one.